How He Loves Us

Even when facebook is popping non stop with the hearts of young teens reaching out and pulling in - even when I feel like I'm running full speed down a mountain to keep up with what is expected of me (to clarify: what I expect of myself) - this song keeps lingering in the back ground:

He loves us. He loves us. We are his portion, he his our price, drawn to redepmtion by the grace in his eyes, if grace is an ocean we're all sinking. Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest, I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way he loves us. He loves us. He loves us. Even when I stop running and turn off facebook and switch my phone to silent - even when my blood pressure rises at the thought of answering my phone or responding to emails - even then, he loves us.

He loves the youth group - even when I don't. He loves them even when I'm not there - not running - not pulling and reaching - not fixing or holding pieces together - He loves them. He is jealous for them - his weight and mercy bears down on them.

I feel like if I keep typing, this fleeting truth might stop for a moment. It's as if I'm chasing a hat in the wind - it's this trinket of life shattering truth that is floating by and as soon as I go to grab it it just skips away in the unseen wind. Damnit. Do you love them? Do you love me? Because I sure bloody love them - who's going to love them when I leave? Promise me that you'll love them better than I did.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

He loves us. Oh how he loves us. Oh how he loves us. He loves us. He loves us. He loves us.

Resignation

I'm handing in my letter of resignation tonight at an Elder's meeting. It's a death and a rebirth. The letter goes something like this: "These have been the best five years of my life, and probably the best five years I'll ever have, but I am so glad they're freaking over".

I have no idea what's going to happen next. I have a feeling that some of these teens will be in my life forever - but is that healthy? I'm not sure. I suppose not having to run the program will be a break in and of itself.

Now, I hope I honor the teens with my life - I hope they see me as being Christ-like. I don't want them to see a quitter, but someone who is growing, developing, transcending. I wish they could see my heart, that I don't want to hurt anyone or abandon anyone - I really think this is best.

Is it possible that at 22 years old I understand the empty nest syndrome? Am I prepared to have teenagers now that I have to painfully let them go for their own good?

I have a feeling the next 6 months are going to be full of birthing pangs.