Indian Wisdom

Do not grieve. Misfortunes will happen to the wisest and best of men. Death will come, always out of season. It is the command of the Great Spirit, and all nations and people must obey. What is past and what cannot be prevented should not be grieved for ... Misfortunes do not flourish particularly in our lives - they grow everywhere.

Big Elk - Omaha Chief

My Summer So Far

I have bush-wacked (ya that's right, I can use that phrase in sentences) up a giant hill east of Nihahi ridge thinking I was bush wacking up Nihahi Ridge - that was fun, until I got to the top and realized I jumped the gun a little. But once I caught my breath, I sat down with DR  and enjoyed the silence.
The next weekend I hiked up Nihahi Ridge with some people I don't really know - that was fun; I had done the hike 3 times so I was the tour guide - the insatiable show off in me was giddy all the way up. The bad news however, was that just before we got to the top, people were coming down saying that it was too dangerous to climb due to snow. Then some British Guys (who apparently also had insatiable show offs in themselves) wearing helmets and bearing gigantic ice axes came down declaring that it was unsafe. So would this stop me? No- too bad for the Brits - they don't have mountains, they have hills. So we went up and up and up. It was sketchy, but it was so fun. The true scrambling began - we climbed up a little waterfall/chimney and my heart was glad within me. As we neared the top, there was just DR, his little brother, and 2 guys left- and although we were determined, when we made it up onto the actual ridge it was suicide. For those of you who have never scrambled - basically the ridge has exposure on both sides. Well the top was snowcapped and we tried walking - er, I mean crawling along the ridge (which is 7 km long) and finally we all turned back. However, DR and Glen noticed a small trail going up a side of the mountain that we did not originally climb - and they wanted to head down it and see what adventure we could find. The two guys left us to our own devices and David and Glen then began Lemur Hoping down the side of the snowy, shale-y mountain side. It ended up being a blast. You could jump as high as you can and you'd always land softly. Good day regardless of the fact we did not finish our hike.
Two days later I asked Mike to go mountain biking with me around the Elbow Loop to celebrate Summer Solstice - well, it was amazing fun - but we only made it about 15 km around (out of the 43) before we turned back due to a river flowing over the path (all the snow that was on Nihahi 2 days before was now ruining another wilderness adventure for me) and also because we were losing day light. But man mountain biking is fun.

Frustrated that in 3 outings I had failed to finish any of the journeys I drove out by myself on Wednesday night towards Canmore looking for a mountain called Ha-Ling Peak. About 45 minutes before the mountain should have been there, I found another mountain that looked like a heart - I suspected it might be Heart Mountain. I parked my car and hauled my determined butt to the top. Allan Kane said it would take 3-4 hours round trip, and I was at the top in 1 hour and 20 minutes. Did I feel like letting out a Giant Lion-King style roar? You betcha. I felt like a champion. On the way down this steep scrambling I lost a little confidence - confusing squirrels with bears will do that to a girl, but alas, I made it back to my car and with all of the positive endorphins surging through my veins, I felt high as a kite. I had summited a mountain finally, and I did it all alone.
Two days later I had a date with Maddi and she wanted to go for a walk. I knew that meant a 1 hour outing for her, but I convinced myself that we could do a hike labelled as 6 hours in about an hour - so I told her I had found the perfect one. We headed towards Ribbon Falls. It was the most glorious walk - extremely easy, nearly no elevation gained - anyone can do it - and everyone SHOULD do it - the mountain valley and water falls were exceptional. Maddi had a blast until about the 3rd hour and she began to worry. But when all was said and done, the whole journey took us 4 hours and we were in Calgary at Unleashed almost on time.

So far, in about 10 days, I've gone up a mini-fake-Nihahi, climbed Nihahi, done half the Elbow Loop and sumitted Heart Mountain and walked to Ribbon Falls. Am I having the most amazing summer of my life? Yes.

I'm also sitting here enjoying a lettuce and tomatoe Sandwich compliments of my tomato and lettuce garden on my patio. Ahhhhhhhh life is too good.

Biblical Theology of Wealth and Poverty - The Course I spent $1000 on

I'm sitting in a starbucks right now trying to buckle down, knuckle down and do it do it do it. What am I trying to do? Homework! I'm taking a course called, "Biblical Theology of Wealth and Poverty" and I'm trying to let it change me.  So far it's almost working. My longing to understand who God is and who his people *were* is growing deeper. I'm realizing, however, just how disconnected I am from that context. The only poor people I am confronted with in my Urban Calgary environment are drug addicted beggars who we all KNOW are just going to spend change on drugs and if I give them food - then they have all the more money to spend on their drug of choice. So I've grown callous towards the poor - I forget that Calgary's poor aren't really poor but are in fact still part of the wealthiest 5% of the world. There are people who are so poor they must sell their children into the sex trade to feed themselves or their other children - these are the poor I should consider when I'm studying this course. It's such a complicated place to be in right now.  I spent $1000 to enroll in the course where I learned that it's basically not ok that I spend $1000 on private university education. Now I'm at a Starbucks with my laptop studying how God's people responded to social injustice in the ancient world. I'm confused and stuck and I feel like the more I invest into my pursuit of God, the farther away I get from The Kingdom.

Never Seem to Last...

A seedling once broke out from the muddy ground

It was nothing more than a little sunshine bound .

Beneath that tree the children would dance and sing

As if with words a tree could bring

A song.

That tree still stands though many years have passed.

It hardly notices the winters which never seem to last.

Those silly dancing children are now but wind

Who’ve left behind nothing - neither love nor kin.

Now there is just that lonely old tree

With no heart to love nor eyes to see.

Poem by Frost...

Nothing Gold Can Stay by Robert Frost
Nature's first green is gold, 
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower; 
But only so an hour. 
Then leaf subsides to leaf. 
So Eden sank to grief, 
So dawn goes down to day. 
Nothing gold can stay.

I set out...

I set out on an epic journey.

The city is in my rear view mirror and my bag is packed with all bare necessities.

I arrive after what seems like eons at the side of the road, next to a creek that has no official name.

My own presence strikes me like a heavy blow at the sound of my door slamming as I leave the comfort of my automobile and enter a space that is infinitely bigger than myself – where my thoughts, like the wind, wisp past me into nothingness.

I begin up the worn animal trail into the forest towards a peak I cannot yet see. After 2 long hours the fresh reviving scent of pine has become commonplace and the feeling of dirt beneath my feet becomes boring. I no longer notice the changing path and strange distant sounds. I don’t even notice the path getting smaller until it is gone and I am left to navigate without the help of autumn herds that once journeyed here – I now step out onto a path that I must create alone. I can taste the salty goodness of things to come.

But alas, the taste in my mouth reminds me also that the greatest test of faith remains ahead. I now find myself being whipped in the face with branches and bushes and tall green grasses – I stumble across fallen ancient trees like fallen forgotten soldiers. I clumsily make noises that nature rejects – wailing birds and squeaking squirrels protest my  destruction of their once harmonious space. Logs crack and shoes scrape along jagged rocks and crispy leaves. When will the mountain come? It should be here by now. I find myself in a state of doubt – maybe I’ve gone the wrong way? Maybe I should go back, maybe I should check the map – maybe I’ve messed the whole thing up – and to the worst thought of all – maybe I hate this – I want to go home and watch tv – I’m tired and I’m not sure I believe in the peak anymore. My skin is hurting from scratches and scrapes and bug bites – strange bushes rub my legs and make them burn – I cannot find my footing here – I’m too tall, too stiff, too dumb to go on.

But my fear and anxiety push me until I can feel the warmth surging through my veins – my lungs beat me into submission – I cannot stop – up and up and up I go – kicking ass and taking names of trees that don’t fascinate me and branches that don’t threaten me. I hate this forest and I want to be rid of all the nonsense that once promised good things to me.

Finally! I notice the trees are getting skinnier – I can fit my hands around them – they’re tiny and very close together – I must weave my way through now – and I can feel the soil is much shallower – hard mountainy rock is right under my foot. As I step now, I hear the high pitch squeal of shale – I’m not in the forest anymore. I feel the sun hit my face and send shivers down into my bones –  I remember that I am alone. I remember that I can’t hear traffic or aeroplanes or bear bells in the distance. I’m all by myself now – there are no deer or squirrels in this place. I’m on the rocky face of an unnamed mountain and the peak is in sight – ominous and magnificent.

The truth is so simple – once you wade through superstitious orthodoxies – once words stop slashing at my legs and whipping my face – once doctrines and dogmas begin slipping out of sight and the now uninhibited wind has free access to my entire being – now I feel myself getting closer to true religion. I’m no longer looking at each footstep hoping not to make the wrong noises or meet the wrong friends – now I am free to reach and strain for what’s ahead – there is nothing to doubt. Sure, there are big steps and dangerous ledges – wrong footing remains a concern – but the path is clear now – go up. So up I go. The sting in my muscles is utterly delicious. With each step I am closer to the top – the wind is overwhelming and the view is demanding hat I take it in, but not yet! I tell the panorama - not yet – I cannot look just yet! As I reach my arms to pull myself up one last time, I close my eyes, sit down and take a deep breath. Now I can open my eyes and see.

A long raspy wow growls up from the depths of my being. Theosis – divinity –  truth. My brain doesn’t understand the vastness of the world my eyes behold – millions of tiny mountains as far as the eye can see – and nothing else. Mountains that make me look like a speck of dust that have been here since before any human in all of history ever breathed – mountains older than Moses – older than thoughts. Mountains that will remain even after I am dead and have turned to dust – Mountains that will remain even after one hundred generations have come and become dust.  

I build a fire and consider staying forever but I know this is not possible. I must climb down back through the itchy trees and into dark forests – back towards the sound of cars on gravel and into my stupid red car. When I arrive,  I turn the ignition while the door is still open – the loud beeping noise of mechanical reminders tells me I am about to leave my home and return to a prison cell of computers and suburban churches and empty words.